Mirror, Mirror on the Wall....

In the classic fairy tale of Snow White, there is a famous scene involving an evil Queen starring into a magical mirror. The Queen, in order to secure her status as fairest in the land, asks the mirror a question, “Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the fairest of them all?” She, for many years, saw herself in the mirror’s image and was pleased. However, one day, she saw in the mirror the face of another more pure and fair than she, the face of Snow White. This disheartened the Queen and in a jealous rage she set out to kill this pure beauty that took her place in the mirror’s reflection. Throughout the story, the Queen desperately tries to kill Snow White through evil plots and misleading disguises, but in the end, she herself was killed by her own vanity.

Why am I retelling this age-old classic? Well, unfortunately, I see myself in the same position as the Queen in many ways. Let me explain….

As of late, I have found myself lacking in motivation, joy, peace, and creativity. It comes as no surprise that I discovered this lack luster attitude around the same time as I noticed my time with the Lord becoming stifled. It only makes sense that my wellspring of life is not bubbling over due to a drought in its source. Before I can better share what is on my heart, I must relay some background information.

 Until the present, I have been surprisingly more joyous, more patient, creatively productive, and dare I say, peaceful. I have been a new version of myself, a surprising improvement to my normal countenance. The reflection I saw in the mirror was not my own, and initially, unlike the Queen, I was enjoying the view.

 I can honestly admit this appreciation of the differing face in the mirror was no doing of my own, and due to my recent regression, I am reassured in this admittance. I loved the changes I was saw. They were a direct reflection of the One on which I placed my focus; the One I was allowing to consume me.  The One I have recently squelched due to my redirected focus, the focus I have sinfully placed on me. I have vainly decided to see my own reflection again, and instead of turning my gaze I can feel myself embracing the Queen’s mentality.  

When I moved several months ago, the Lord allowed me to go through an abrupt identity-crisis. In all honesty, this identity-crisis has actually been taking place over the past two years, but the pinnacle was revealed in my move. Upon moving, I stepped out in faith and landed in a foreign world. A world that quickly and directly humbled me and caused me to realize my vast ignorance. I had none of the normal comforts I was used to; none of the constants I had clung to. I knew little and questioned much. It was life-changing, and one of the best things to ever happen to me. My faith was challenged. No more waxing eloquent about God and what He was doing in my life or going to do. It was a time of living out my faith with action. No more clinging to accomplishments, possessions, or connections to bring me worth. I had only One thing to define me.  No more worrying about tomorrow because today certainly did have enough troubles of its own. I felt crazy. I felt absolutely out of control…..and I was! You see, during this time of redefining, I was losing my “balance” and embracing the unknown. I was trusting in God completely, possibly for the first time.

Inevitably my whole perspective on life changed during this time. It only made sense that I was craving the One who was bringing me security, and taking time to marvel in His provisions. It’s only plausible that my days were spent wrapped up in more joy, patience, and creativity. My perspective was on Christ and His goodness, and my concept of time was warped into living each moment for His glory and not looking to the next.  I didn’t worry as much because God was in control, and time with Him was more important than the tasks at hand. I can honestly say I have never felt more ignorant and more of a mess, and yet, I can honestly say I have never felt more alive!

Now, please understand that I don’t write any of this to brag about myself, or to claim any authority on life and wisdom. The thought of portraying either of these things makes my heart sick. I am writing this to bring glory to the One who is painstakingly doing a work in me. I have not done anything good, for am not good. I am simply acknowledging the One whom I am trying to reflect. If you look back to the first paragraph you will see I am already slipping from the very perspective I was gaining. As I stated before, I am unmotivated, lacking creativity, and cannot seem to live in peace and joy. I am more quick to anger, and cannot think enough about the future trials I might face. My perspective has shifted back, and this breaks my heart.

Thinking back on it, I can see the traces of the shift; the traces of the thoughts and actions that made me kin to the Queen. I can recall the times that I have allowed myself to focus on things of this world; things that make no difference to God and His amount of love for me. Things that might make me more appealing to others, or things that I think, mistakenly, will help me gain status in people’s minds; the sneaky types of things that the enemy uses to slyly pull our focus off Christ and onto ourselves. Money, material objects, relationships, appearance, health, and even religion. And as I started to focus more on these menial things my perspective was taken off Christ causing me to stop reflecting Him and start reflecting my worldly-self. In a desperate attempt to gain control and fill the emptiness that comes with focusing on oneself, I started to cling to things that I thought would satisfy and improve me, which only caused me to focus more on myself. It’s a vicious cycle, trying to save oneself. It’s bitter and fruitless, and tangibly proves a skewed perspective. There is a solution however.  In Colossians 3:2 it states, “Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth.” Also know as, focusing on God in all His majesty, and striving to meditate on His perfect will and view of your life in Christ. This is the key to changing your perspective and renewing your wellspring of life, and this is the key to putting to death the Queen mentality. I cannot say, however, it is an easy switch.

Think about it….as believers in Christ, we are to “put on” Christ, and through the Holy Spirit we are seen as pure and righteous in God’s sight. The more we focus on Him and His righteousness (what is above), the more we reflect Christ and not only our perspectives change, but other’s perspectives of us change. However, the more we focus on ourselves, the less we see a reflection of Christ, and the less others see Him in us. We have a choice, just as the Queen did when she realized she was not the fairest in the land. We can admit we are not the fairest after all and humbly marvel in the One who is allowing our hearts to focus and reflect the purity of Him. Or, we can give into our flesh, and set out in a jealous rage to cling to ourselves and our false idea of beauty, desperately trying to destroy any rival to our throne.  

So, you tell me….Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

I pray for us all that the reflection we see appear is not our own.

With peace,

RDM

A Thanksgiving Feast for the Mind

In the famous play, Our Town, by author Thornton Wilder, there is a quote that has been echoed many a time for man to ponder. It reads, “Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?- every, every minute?”

This quote came to me today as I sat thinking, caught in a storm of nostalgic memories that has become the recent forecast for my mind. As this is the month dedicated to being thankful for all the good things God has given us, I felt it appropriate to share some things that have graced my memory, leaving me thankful.

I have been flooded with many memories from my childhood in Angel Fire.  The people, the church in which I basically spent every day of my youth, the majestic mountains, and the snow that took the city captive for nine months out of the year.  I had a wonderful childhood. I didn’t necessarily enjoy the “finer things of life,” in the same sense some might have, but I was tremendously blessed (monetarily and otherwise). I grew up with loving parents, a living and active church family, close siblings, and many opportunities to grow and learn. I know I had many hard times growing up, everyone does, but I am so very thankful for the beautiful memories of my childhood.

I have also thought a great deal about my time spent in Missouri. When I first moved to Missouri, if you had asked me if I would ever come to love it, I would have responded with an emphatic, “NO!” However, now living elsewhere, I can honestly say I miss the area and have come to love my time spent there. I was blessed with a great high school that introduced me to many of my passions, including theater. I created many friendships that I will never forget. I completed college in MO. I grew into a new church family there. I started my journey of teaching there. I learned to appreciate the beauty of scenic nature and winding country roads. I experienced the pain and freedom of independence, and the humility of being broken and restored by God’s mercy… I grew up a lot in those Ozark hills, and I am so very thankful for all that I experience and learned in that season of my life.

The people of my past have also played a great role in this storm of nostalgia. I have thought an immense amount about my parents. How supportive and self-sacrificing they are. How God has used them to teach and mold me. I smile at the memories of them being silly or living out their passion for Christ. I remember the times in which I first started seeing them as people, not just parents. These memories are not as soft and light as those mentioned before, but necessary for me to appreciate them as the people God created them to be. I have thought about  my mother and her delicate and discerning heart. I have thought about my father and his overwhelming wisdom and compassion. I have tremendous parents, truly tremendous. I am fully aware that I am the woman I am today, thanks in big part to their stewardship in raising me. I am understatedly thankful for them and their role as leaders in my life.

I have also thought a great deal about my siblings. I have three siblings, two sisters and a brother. I now live closer to my older sister and my brother-in-law (whom I call a brother as well). I consider this a great blessing to get to know them better. I have not lived close to my older sister for over ten years, and her husband is still somewhat new to the family. He is a blessing, and I enjoy getting to see life through his eyes and vast experiences. My sister is a new mother, and I have enjoyed watching her grow in mature into this role with grace. She has learned so much, and I enjoy learning from her. My younger sister and brother live with my parents in Missouri. My younger sister is a beautiful, vivacious woman. She is full of presence and even more so of talent. She has so much ahead of her in life, and I get excited just thinking of how God is going to use her.  My brother is a high school senior this year, and although I still see him as a nine-year-old, squirrely boy in my head, he is growing into an insanely handsome and godly young man. And talk about talent! He, too, is bursting with many gifts and a beautiful heart. Great things await him, I have no doubt….Just thinking of the beautiful people God has given me in my siblings brings me to tears. They are amazing people, and I have had the chance to share life with them!  I feel very thankful for them.

I have also thought a great deal about my friends. I can honestly say that I have the blessing of being able to claim many people as my friends. Some I have known the entirety of my life (24 years as friends is an outstanding number!) Some I have known around 10 years, and some for less. All of which, I count as blessings and have an endless amount of memories that I have shared. They have all taught me so much! They bring variety into my life and stretch me to grow. I’ve shared my heart with these men and women and they have given me the blessing of sharing theirs. I love them all dearly and tearfully write that I am immensely thankful for them.

Oddly enough, in regards to the people I have thought a great deal about, I have spent many moments remembering the guys/friends from my past dating relationships. All of which have  left a lasting impact. As I wrote above, I considered these men friends, and while God did not allow our relationships to grow into more, I love these men as my brothers in Christ. I wish them well, and pray for their mercy in forgiving any wrong or hurt I may have caused them. They’ve all taught me a great deal and have helped shaped me in so many ways. I will be honest and say that my memories of them, although mostly good, break my heart for many reasons…..nevertheless, I am thankful to have shared even a small part of life with them.

In addition to people, places, and life stages, I have thought about more random moments. Moments from trips, moments from illnesses, moments from productions, moments from jobs, and most recently, moments from holidays. I have thought about my extended family and the warm and wonderful memories we create around the holidays. The brief time we get to spend catching up and showing love to one another. I treasure these times. They are some of my most fond and lasting memories. Perhaps that is why I love the holidays so much……but more on that at a later date.

Not all of the memories I have remembered are pleasant, directly due to the fact that not all of my life has been as great as the things I have mentioned above. I have had my dark days….dark months in the case of one recent season of my life, but I count these times as blessings as well. I am thankful for them. In James 1:2 it states, “Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” I have seen this played out in my life, and while it has left a mark, I am better for it. I rejoice in the fact that God wants to see me mature so much that He takes the time to work out the sin in me.

It is easy to see that many memories have had time to parade across my mind recently. Their presence has been enjoyed, and yet mourned. I have enjoyed “realizing life….-every, every minute.” I have been blessed by recognizing all that God has bestowed upon my short life, and I am humbled that He has given me these experiences. In the same token, it makes me a bit melancholy. While I recognize these moments now, I didn’t always recognize them as they happened and there are many of these things I wish still existed in my life today. I guess that is just part of living though, “to everything there is a season….” I am thankful for them all the same, and thankful that at one point in my life they came to pass. Praise God for the blessings He bestows upon His children……How He loves!

Thoughtfully,

RDM

We've Got the Power!

It has been a recent compulsion of mine to write a book. This is not an easy admittance because every time I think of writing a book the thought that inevitably follows is one of sheer fear. All I can think is, “Who would want to read anything pertaining to my limited understanding of life?” I also have the looming feeling that no matter what I write, someone else has already tapped into the idea and more skillfully than I ever could. It’s a feeling of complete paralysis really. I want to write, but I am numbed by the thought I have no authority in writing. In addition to this feeling of paralysis, I have the anxious feeling that I have nothing good to write about. Around what would I compose a book?

As of late, I have crossed an idea for a book…and it has been covered by others briefly, and in depth as far as I know. I am somewhat embarrassed to admit what the idea is, partly because it is an odd topic, and partly because I don’t want to be rejected before I even get started.

Please don’t think that I’m unaware of this irrational sense of fear and rejection of my work (myself). I am regrettably aware of it. Furthermore, I know it’s not from God. I am not the first to feel this way…Can you imagine how Moses must have felt after the burning bush?  He even told God he didn’t have the words to speak…Can you imagine how he must have felt having to come down from witnessing God in that way and having to explain it to others?

“Um… so the strangest thing just happened. I just witnessed God speaking to me as this burning bush. He, um, He told me I have to get Pharaoh to release my people… me! Strange, right?”

Can you imagine what they must have thought? Or how many doubts Moses had to work through just to get those words out?

Now, I am NOT saying I am anywhere near Moses in the realm of being a mouthpiece for God, but aren’t we all called to, “set captives free” by proclaiming the truth of Jesus Christ? Even if it causes a choice for freedom for only one soul, is it not worth it to sound a little odd and deliberate? I am not advocating false pride (saying that we have authority) or a sinful assumption of one’s self. I am, however, advocating the uniqueness of being a vessel in which the authority of Jesus is able to speak unknown truth into a lost world. It is very easy for Satan to slight this kind of opportunity with a heavy dose of fear and rejection. He is indeed able to play so appropriately to the things of the flesh. Is he not?

I must interject this thought…….It is my belief that we, as believers, fall prey to the absolute lie that we are unequipped or lacking the power to do great things in this world. We believe we are doing well just to get by and avoid major disaster, never mind the idea of standing out or impacting the world. Only the truly “touched” can do that. Just be good, blend in, and be thankful you aren’t the one with all the “problems.” Lies! This is how Satan has handicapped us my friends. He has conned us into walking with crutches when we should be running! In God’s Word, He testifies of the power He has given us through the Holy Spirit; the kind of power that heals the blind and parts the sea.  Acts 1:8 states, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

For some reason, we have bought into this lie that this power bestowed to the disciples had an expiration date and can’t be tapped into today. We are content to sit back and marvel at the idea of being an heir to the throne, and we live in fear of living a life that proves we are heirs to the throne. We chose to quench the Holy Spirit instead of embrace it.

 I am not saying this to chastise…I am convicted of this in my own life. I fail at this in my own life, miserably. I read about the great men and women in the bible with the same mindset so many others do. This mindset that says that was a different time and we are not required to do the same. It is true that the bible depicts a different time, but it is not true that you and I cannot lead the same great lives these men and women did. It is time to stop waiting in fear, and start living in faith….I encourage you to read in Luke when Christ sends out the seventy (chapter 10), and let it sink in that we are called to “go out” with the same heart and power today.

As far as the idea of writing, my possible chance to step out in faith, I am not saying that I have the most noble and ingenuous idea even to be written. I am also not saying that I am worthy of anything save the vessel I allow myself to be for the Lord. What I am saying is this, I am praying over it and if God can speak any truth from this idea, if it is an idea He has given me to expand upon, it would be my honor to do so, and I shall move forward without fear!

We shall see friends….perhaps this is the point of no return….

With Hope,

RDM

There's No Place Like Home

I have heard many a song and have read many a story that talk about being homesick. Recently in my life, I have been able to greatly relate to these sentiments. Some of this is due to the fact that I have moved away from home and family, and have a natural pull towards mourning their absence.  However, I started feeling homesick long before I left home.

I have this aching feeling of being out of place, but not sure how to find rest; this nagging pain that eats away at any security, leaving emptiness. It’s like striving for something you can’t obtain, an itch you can’t scratch. It’s the feeling I don’t fit in on this world….and truthfully I don’t. Truthfully, my home is far from here.

For the majority of my life I have been afraid of death. Even after accepting the Lord as my Savior. I wanted to experience life, and feared I wouldn’t get the chance. I lived with the worry that I would never get to do all that I wanted to do. Recently though, I have embraced this new appreciation for getting to spend eternity with my Savior. I used to get so mad at people who said they were okay with dying. I thought they were just putting on to sound strong in their faith, but now I understand where they are coming from.

PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG…..I do NOT have a death wish. I still want to experience life and accomplish many things before I go home to my Heavenly Father, but now I understand the feeling of being “homesick”; just as Paul talked about in scripture. I DO believe I am here for a reason. I believe I am here to serve the Lord and that He has plans for me, but there are times I feel so sad and tired of this world. I long to be with Him face-to-face.

It feels so funny for me to write this. I truly never thought I would feel this way. It is just that my relationship with the Lord has grown from an, “eternal future someday,” to something so much more present and urgent. It’s growing and building each day, and of course I grow more impatient to spend time with Him. Time in a place where the things of this fallen world don’t apply, a place I’ll call home.  

I don’t mean this post to be melancholy. I want merely to speak my heart. It is a joyous feeling in my mind, to crave my Savior. I pray now as Paul did, to complete the work I have here with strength and conviction, before returning home.

Waiting,

RDM

Trick or Treat...?

Tonight, as I sat passing out candy to children dressed as Cinderella and Sponge Bob, I caught myself musing at the idea behind dressing up as fictitious characters and being rewarded with candy. It seems odd to me, this coming from a Theater teacher, but I remember being excited about it as a child, and still get excited by the creativity of pulling together costumes. But why is that? Why do we like to parade around in costumes, disguised as something false? Is it for the fun? Or the outcome? I’m not altogether sure, but I propose that we do it more often than on Halloween…

As children, it’s playing dress up. As high schoolers, it’s prom. Today, it’s usually “dress for success” in our jobs. We love to walk around as fictitious characters, getting rewarded with life’s sweet morsels. In fact, some of us have never stopped wearing costumes long enough to realize the comfort of our own skins; we’ve learned to perfect the art of costume changes over time, and have grown accustom to the thrill of scouting out our next big transformation.

For some, masks are the key to the outfit; A prosthetic, and fixed cover to their true countenance.  For others it’s the accessories; flashy, excessive, easy conversation pieces that entertain the crowds. Some prefer homemade outfits; something their parents or loved ones have thrown together and made them wear around in public. Still others choose the store-bought classics; cheaply-made, fool-proof replicas of what the world sees as iconic and worth imitating. The list goes on…Each one of us has some preference or comfort zone, and each of us parade around in them day after day.

I have recently thought a lot about this idea of false personas and “peacocking,” as some call it. The fact that today is Halloween is only fuel for the fire. It only helps to concrete the fact that we as humans hold this fascination and desire for walking around incognito. It makes one stop and think long and hard about the fact that Adam and Eve were naked before the fall…

I am not writing this to be cynical. I enjoyed myself tonight, and I enjoy dressing up like the next person.  I am simply relaying some thoughts that have been hanging around in my mind as of late…I am sure this won’t be the last time I talk about this concept, but until then…..

Thoughtfully,

RDM

Warning: this vessel contains deadly weapons.

Throughout the bible we are challenged to let our words be few, actions big, and to listen intently. In James chapter three, we are given a better understanding of how deceitful and deadly our tongues can be, and how we can cause grave danger when we use them selfishly. I am afraid God has had to teach me this first-hand today…I feel terrible, and the root of my discomfort is my own tongue. I ask you, how can you win an argument against a man who is quick of tongue?....I can tell you the answer isn’t to try to out talk him. One poisonous tongue versus another doesn’t do good for either party. You might as well be dueling with pistols; the injuries will be geared toward the same organ, the heart.

Where is all this coming from you might ask? Let me paint you a picture of the event. Recently I found myself in a heated conversation. This conversation was composed of two hurt and confused people trying to make the other understand and accept their point of view. The outcome was devastating. I can honestly say nothing was accomplished, save two broken hearts. The conversation reeked of poor communication from both parties. It was one side seeking to control the others perspective….the enemy must have been truly overjoyed at our folly. It was a mess, a total and complete mess. It reminded me of that anecdote when the storyteller warns those listening not to try and rescue a drowning victim if they won’t stop flaying because they will surely take you down in their panic. The scary thing is that we were both drowning in this situation….

So again I ask, how can you win an argument against a man who is quick of tongue? In my humble opinion, and I do mean humble, there is only one thing you can do. You stop talking and start praying. It is easy to lash back and try, yet again, to make yourself clear, but ultimately that will only lead to more ammunition for the other hunger mouth. If you can lay down your weapon and humble yourself before the Lord, you will find that although you may suffer injury, you are surrendering to the only one who can actually win the fight. To keep talking might lead to your winning the battle, but at what cost. You should not be fighting to kill the heart of this other person; it should be to speak truth. I can guarantee speaking truth is impossible without the One who is truth, and He isn’t interested in dueling tongue wars. 

There are a few disclaimers I must make at this point. I am in no way claiming that you should just roll over and let yourself be a rug. I don’t believe God asks us to do that, but He does command we put our brother first. If you know that you are standing for truth, speak it in love. However, if you are only working out of a selfish agenda (hurt, anger, control, self-righteousness) then you need to shut up and surrender. Christ commanded us to turn the other cheek.  Let Him take it from here…it is your only chance to win and be loving to a brother.

Now, if the other person does not want to hear truth in love, you dust your feet off and lift them up in prayer as you walk away from the situation. In Luke chapter ten, when Jesus was sending out the seventy He asks them to greet each town with the intent to share the gospel of truth. If they choose not to listen, He said for them to leave, wiping the dust of the town off their feet as left. I believe their message was a bit more important than making themselves heard.  It wasn’t their battle to win, just to speak truth.  You are NOT responsible for people. You are responsible TO God.

You see, the reason the tongue is so dangerous is due to its direct relation to the heart. Our hearts overflow onto our tongues and spew out on those around us. Matthew 15:17-18 states, “’Don’t you realize that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is eliminated. But what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and this defiles a man.” Our hearts, even when possessing the Holy Spirit, are fickle, self-serving entities. That is why we must be slow to speak and submit ourselves daily to the Lord. This is done in the hope of safeguarding against the damage we can do.

I must be clear, I encourage boldness. I need to be more bold. I am not advocating a passive heart and mouth, but I am offering an active strive to have a patient and humbled tongue. Don’t be lukewarm. Be strong in the truth God has given, but slow to speak with the tool in which you have to speak it. I must warn it isn’t easy deciphering between our take on God’s truth and God’s truth. They are by no means the same.  Seek first the kingdom….I encourage you brother and sister in your journey to tame the tongue….

Sincerely,

RDM

Call for a Cure

I noticed something very interesting today at work.  One of my coworkers stormed to the back, obviously not satisfied with the customer she had encountered, walked around the corner out of sight and sound and emphatically exclaimed, “Why does this keep happening to me?”…… Doesn’t seem that interesting, right? Just bear with me for a minute.

My coworker continued to go on about how every person she had encountered that day was just the same, and just as hard to deal with. Eventually she left the back and resumed working, but it wasn’t long before I heard another cry of injustice rise from around the corner. This time it rang, “I hate helping stupid people!” and it came from yet another coworker. Again the frustration waned and silence prevailed. I would like to say that that was the last of the outbursts, but they continued throughout the rest of the day. And honestly occur prolifically, every day. I’m not trying to bash my place of work, or my coworkers, nor am I trying to add to the epidemic by complaining. I am simply trying to share the epiphany I encountered today while watching these events unfurl.  You see, I’m trying to spread the word about a disease that is going untreated; a disease that discriminates against no one. It can spread as quickly and as silently as the common cold, and is heavily understated in its severity. I am trying to share my recent discovery of the disease that is, negativity.

It is dangerous, easy to catch, easy to share, and surprisingly devastating. It shows immediate symptoms in the form of pious speech, clenched teeth, drawn mouth, pushy movements, and rolling eyes. In more severe forms it can take the shape of lying, swearing, anger, and doubt. It can be passed from person to person with a simple glance, action, or heavy sighing. It can defeat even the healthiest of spirit, and bring down the strongest of heart. It can lay dormant for long periods of time, only to spring into action when least expected. It is catching.

I know to some this may sound trite and childish, or possibly a moot point. I realize what I am saying is a truth already acknowledged, but it is also one so easily overlooked. I am writing this because I believe one of the best vaccinations for the illness is calling it out. Negativity is a present danger, and while the analogy of it being like a disease is tried, it doesn’t mean it loses its truth. Negativity is a disease, and it is causing illness among the human race.

No doubt this illness is one of the many birthed at the time of the fall, and still continues to seep out of the hearts of the fallen today. It stands contradictory to the essence of life breathed into us by our Creator, and often serves as an inhibitor to our view on His intentions. It can be passed between nonbelievers and believers alike; in fact, it seems that one of the greatest carriers for this illness comes directly from the most astute of Christian tongues. It is a nasty tool used most affectively by the enemy, and one that deserves our distrust.

This, as mentioned before, is my effort to aide in the fight against negativity. It is my stand against the lies and doubt it spreads. The cure is not as simple as a shot of antibiotics, but as effective as a shot of awareness. By recognizing it, calling it out, and changing your thoughts, you can be part of the cure. Speak life into others; encourage them and turn their minds to things that deserve their time. It may not cure them completely, but it slows the spread and protects your heart. Hey! Go the extra mile, say a little prayer for them. Talk about a cure!

Funny this post should come at the time of flu shots; 24 dollars to keep the rampant illness at bay with no promise that you will be protected.  Well, this shot is free, and if taken, it can prove to be a lasting cure….try it! It isn’t as easy as the alternative, I admit. However, it is essential to a healthy heart and a much more enjoyable world.  

Speaking out,

RDM

Sing to the Lord a New Song

Last night I was reading a book by one of my most favorite authors…I am sure I will bring up his work in future pieces, but for now I will leave his name unknown. As I was reading, I was listening to some music, as I do most often when reading. Silly, but I like to live my life to a soundtrack of random tunes. It makes living more interesting, and oddly enough, calms my mind down enough to function productively.

As I was listening to the music, a hymn I have long-time loved was played as a piano solo. I sat listening to the piece and within thirty seconds tears filled my eyes.  As discussed above, music plays a heavy role in my life. Some of my most poignant memories float up while listening to the melodic riffs. Last night, it was a memory of a woman I treasured greatly in my life. I think of her often when I hear hymns; they were her favorites, and she sang them every day I knew her. This beautiful woman loved to sing, and she trumped that love only by the adoration she had for her Savior and others. For as long as I knew her (which amounts to twenty-three years), she would sing loudly and with much conviction. Her time of praise was very much akin to how she lived her life in general. She was a woman of presence. She loved fiercely, and was loved fiercely.

I remember from a very young age hearing her sing. To be honest, it wasn’t the most melodic sound I had ever heard. It was, however, the most convinced. Her voice was more mature and robust than others, and most often stuck out in a crowd. It wasn’t going to win any contests, but she wasn’t singing for any earthly prize.

There was one instance I remember thinking, much to my shame now, that I didn’t want to have a voice like hers. I didn’t want a loud voice that shook when I held long notes. I wanted a soft and tender voice…I was judging, of course, based on the worlds standard of what is a pleasing sound and what is tolerable. I don’t admit this easily, nor do I remember ever admitting this out loud. I say it now because I would take hearing that passionate voice singing a hymn, to ever hearing mine raised “daintily” to the heavens.

It has been almost two years since Beverly has passed. I was asked to sing at her funeral. When it came time for me to sing, the phrases were loud, heavy with feeling, and shaky due to the tears. Ironic in a way…appropriate.

I was blessed with a singing voice. I don’t say this to boast, I don’t believe my voice to be great in any respect. I say it because I believe the Lord gave it to me to serve Him. He doesn’t ask me to critique it, compare it, or even showcase it. He asks me to lay it at His feet and use it to serve Him. This is something Beverly understood. She, in her discouragement, did not use her voice as much in her ladder years, or at least not in a way for others to enjoy it. She did, however, use it to fervently praise the Lord, and I believe she still does so today. I would be so blessed as to sing with her in her attitude of praise….and hope to someday join with her in praising our King again.

Lovingly,

RDM

For Children Ages 0-?

One of my favorite things to do is to go walking. I love getting lost in the vastness of space around me; smelling the rawness of nature, and feeling my mind open up to reality of living/moving/breathing (thank you endorphins!) It is on these walks that my most clear thinking occurs. I usually pray and listen to music as I walk. Yes, I have been known to dance around a bit…No, it isn’t pretty, but done out of pure freedom.

            Yesterday as I was walking and listening to some of the tunes that have become a soundtrack to my life, I caught myself vigorously tilting my head back and forth to the beat. I admit, it was a quick tempo song, so I’ll let you gain your own picture of how I must have looked….I caught myself mid-head tilt and smiled. There was no thought behind the movement, just pure intuition. I chuckled and realized that I had seen that movement before. After a few moments I realized I had watched my nephew do something similar earlier that morning. My nephew is almost eight months old, and has recently discovered how to bobb his head back and forth when he finds something amusing or enjoyable. He won’t necessarily do it on command, but only acts when compelled. He, I dare say, looked much more cute doing it than I.

            I continued on my walk and thought of how often we, as grown adults, act as children; how many times a day we act purely on intuition, looking no more mature than an eight-month-old.  No doubt in God’s eyes we truly are children…His word tells us this is true. Some days this child-like behavior is endearing. It takes the shape of freedom, unconditional love, and play. We sit enamored with the simplest of shapes and colors; we run, arms wide open, into an embrace; we toss about our heads, totally carefree, as we bubble over with joy. Some days, though, this child-like behavior is shameful. We scream loudly, feeling our needs aren’t met; we desperately try to walk on our own, only to fall down face first; we sit stinking in our own filth.

            I recently moved closer to my sister and her family. I arrived in town in time for the stage of parenting called the “Cry it Out,” phase. Not an easy stage for the parents, child, or those remotely close to the screaming child. This isn’t a way of saying I was annoyed by the crying, on the contrary. My heart hurt for my nephew. He was sincerely acting out of, what would be considered in his world, sheer terror. It wasn’t easy to see him in pain, and it wasn’t easy seeing my sister and brother struggle over his pain.

            It was during one of these nights of crying it out that a thought occurred to me. It first took the form of a question, “Is this right? Letting this helpless child, that doesn’t know better, drown in his fear to the point of tears and screaming?” It felt wrong; it felt cruel. What could it possibly hurt to go and hold the child until he was comforted? My sister and her husband took turns going in and out of the room to lay a hand on the little guy and speak some soothing words to him. Most of the time he was so overwhelmed by the screams he didn’t stop long enough to hear or receive their comfort. He wanted only one thing, to be held and justified through his idea of “rightness.” I know that sounds a bit bold to say….How could he want to be justified? He’s just a baby. However, if he is able to have wants, he is able to have those wants sufficed in a way that seems right to him. My sister and brother were not trying to hurt Klein, or punish him. They didn’t want to see him in pain…they were a few rooms away crying and sitting stiffly on the couch. They wanted to hold him, to have him silent and content in their arms, but they knew it was time for him to sleep on his own and he was going to have to get used to them not giving into his every whim. Again, this seems harsh and cold, but they were trying to show him love by teaching him. I can only imagine how hard it was for them to work out this process…it was terrible enough for me to watch. They vacillated between right and wrong. They had read up, talked with friends, and prayed over the issue….they were working out of faith that they were doing what was best for Klein. They learned along the way what worked specifically for their situation and their child, but the idea was always the same. He had to grow up a little bit that day, as did they.

            I couldn’t help but see a correlation between this situation and how we are like  children in God’s eyes….Can you imagine how many times we look just like my nephew? Crying. Screaming. Unable to feel any attempt at comfort due to our broken state. There are things that God is trying to teach us daily that goes against what we see as “right,” or what seems “justifiable” in our eyes. We may not cry and scream out loud, but in our hearts, we are one step away from screaming bloody murder for the pain we feel. We are learning a lesson of authority; a lesson, that we don’t always know what’s best. We want God to make the pain stop, lesson done, move on to the next, but the crying and struggle is necessary to the learned outcome. He is stepping in all the while to comfort us and give us words of comfort….we negate them most often, screaming wildly about our mistreatment, never acknowledging that the struggle is intended to make us stronger and more able to grow. He is teaching us to trust.  He knows best no matter how we feel things should be, and He will not leave us lacking in our needs.

            This is a hard truth for me to swallow. I don’t want to be looked at, or better yet, treated like a child. I have learned a lot in my life. I think I know what’s best by now, right? How can repeating situations, or having my faith tested help me at this point? I mean, I know what I’m doing. My pains are legitimate and from my point of view unnecessary….I wish I could honestly say these thoughts never crossed my mind. The truth is that these, accompanied by much more immature thoughts, roll through this adolescent mind of mine on a daily basis. I know it hurts God to have to allow these times of growth, but I also know He has my best interest at heart. He has told us that He will never put us through more than we can handle, and as our Creator, He knows our limits. We are to count it as a blessing that He sees fit to wean us from ourselves, and to grow us up in Him. He is worth being trusted, whether it seems justifiable to us or not.

             I saw two parallel situations occur that night. Both of which showed me we truly are children and in need of a chance to be lead by a higher authority; a Heavenly Father, if you will. The first was with Klein, but the second was with my sister and brother-in-law. Although in pain and uncomfortable in their actions, they acted out of faith that this would help their child. They wanted what was best for Klein, but had to sacrifice their personal feelings and will to see that happen. They were teaching their child while God was teaching them, and it was a beautiful truth to witness.

Lovingly,

RDM

Let the Journey Begin...

“The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium.”

  ~Norbet Platt~

It is in this same spirit, I write this blog. I am embarking on this journey merely hoping to document the thoughts and echoes of my heart in way that might spark moments of pause and deeper thought. I am not claiming any status for myself or my writing, just the need to write in order to purge the thoughts and desires God has put so heavily on my heart. I invite you to follow along in my journey, if you’d like. If not, I wish you joy in your use of time otherwise.

I am excited as I think of the opportunity to alleviate the many thoughts that run freely through the catacombs of my mind. I am excited to share the truths and challenges that God places in my path every day. I am also excited to hear what others might think about these rantings offered up by this humble vessel. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not looking for critics, although I welcome truth and correction spoken in love, but rather I am looking for voices of kinship; hoping to hear confirmation in struggles and triumphs. It is a belief of mine, that one of the best tools the enemy has against us, is that of isolation. If we believe we are alone, we are more likely to doubt, thereby more likely to act out of flesh. If we are aware of those around us, aware of how the fall has negatively affected all of us, we can bond together and share each other’s burdens as Christ intended. This blog represents my sharing about the mark left by the yoke I so dutifully try to carry; these writings are my documentation of my struggling in the war of losing self versus gaining life. Join me in searching out the truth in a world of lies.

It is here I feel the need to leave this disclaimer. I do not claim to have all the answers, nor am I wise enough to claim I can see exactly how every situation is to be handled or interpreted. I am just relaying my thoughts on matters and testing them against the word left by the One who does have the answers to all of life’s situations. I am just a fool trying to create sidewalk art that resembles a Monett.

Welcome to my search for God’s truth. I’m sure it will be a rocky and treacherous adventure, but one geared toward knowing the Creator more intimately. May God bless the journey!

Expectantly,

RDM