It has been a recent compulsion of mine to write a book. This is not an easy admittance because every time I think of writing a book the thought that inevitably follows is one of sheer fear. All I can think is, “Who would want to read anything pertaining to my limited understanding of life?” I also have the looming feeling that no matter what I write, someone else has already tapped into the idea and more skillfully than I ever could. It’s a feeling of complete paralysis really. I want to write, but I am numbed by the thought I have no authority in writing. In addition to this feeling of paralysis, I have the anxious feeling that I have nothing good to write about. Around what would I compose a book?
As of late, I have crossed an idea for a book…and it has been covered by others briefly, and in depth as far as I know. I am somewhat embarrassed to admit what the idea is, partly because it is an odd topic, and partly because I don’t want to be rejected before I even get started.
Please don’t think that I’m unaware of this irrational sense of fear and rejection of my work (myself). I am regrettably aware of it. Furthermore, I know it’s not from God. I am not the first to feel this way…Can you imagine how Moses must have felt after the burning bush? He even told God he didn’t have the words to speak…Can you imagine how he must have felt having to come down from witnessing God in that way and having to explain it to others?
“Um… so the strangest thing just happened. I just witnessed God speaking to me as this burning bush. He, um, He told me I have to get Pharaoh to release my people… me! Strange, right?”
Can you imagine what they must have thought? Or how many doubts Moses had to work through just to get those words out?
Now, I am NOT saying I am anywhere near Moses in the realm of being a mouthpiece for God, but aren’t we all called to, “set captives free” by proclaiming the truth of Jesus Christ? Even if it causes a choice for freedom for only one soul, is it not worth it to sound a little odd and deliberate? I am not advocating false pride (saying that we have authority) or a sinful assumption of one’s self. I am, however, advocating the uniqueness of being a vessel in which the authority of Jesus is able to speak unknown truth into a lost world. It is very easy for Satan to slight this kind of opportunity with a heavy dose of fear and rejection. He is indeed able to play so appropriately to the things of the flesh. Is he not?
I must interject this thought…….It is my belief that we, as believers, fall prey to the absolute lie that we are unequipped or lacking the power to do great things in this world. We believe we are doing well just to get by and avoid major disaster, never mind the idea of standing out or impacting the world. Only the truly “touched” can do that. Just be good, blend in, and be thankful you aren’t the one with all the “problems.” Lies! This is how Satan has handicapped us my friends. He has conned us into walking with crutches when we should be running! In God’s Word, He testifies of the power He has given us through the Holy Spirit; the kind of power that heals the blind and parts the sea. Acts 1:8 states, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
For some reason, we have bought into this lie that this power bestowed to the disciples had an expiration date and can’t be tapped into today. We are content to sit back and marvel at the idea of being an heir to the throne, and we live in fear of living a life that proves we are heirs to the throne. We chose to quench the Holy Spirit instead of embrace it.
I am not saying this to chastise…I am convicted of this in my own life. I fail at this in my own life, miserably. I read about the great men and women in the bible with the same mindset so many others do. This mindset that says that was a different time and we are not required to do the same. It is true that the bible depicts a different time, but it is not true that you and I cannot lead the same great lives these men and women did. It is time to stop waiting in fear, and start living in faith….I encourage you to read in Luke when Christ sends out the seventy (chapter 10), and let it sink in that we are called to “go out” with the same heart and power today.
As far as the idea of writing, my possible chance to step out in faith, I am not saying that I have the most noble and ingenuous idea even to be written. I am also not saying that I am worthy of anything save the vessel I allow myself to be for the Lord. What I am saying is this, I am praying over it and if God can speak any truth from this idea, if it is an idea He has given me to expand upon, it would be my honor to do so, and I shall move forward without fear!
We shall see friends….perhaps this is the point of no return….
With Hope,
RDM
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